So…during this health crisis,I decided to register to one of the well-known dating sites and see how it goes during the lockdown period. My reasoning was that due to social/physical distancing, it would be possible to connect with people who want something different than a one night stand…OK don’t go too fast or make other dreams… just saying it would be possible to have a conversation, even a vidéo conversation on whatshapp, like when going out and getting to know each other bit by bit and not just bang bang and bye. Don’t get me wrong…I can get plenty of that, but I want to have a good communication together with good sex of course!!!
After an innumerable number of dick pics, cum vidéos and whatsapp vidéos and also cocky attempts to self-invitate to my place for the “body2body” mixing together (actually I love the body2body remix song hahaha), I decided to eliminate problems with the below write up! Am sure those who know me are aware of what a good writer I can be as well :-) The age range (looks and physique wise) stayed the same: 21-35, but what is important is to click. I have met blokes who are 20 and look/behave like 25-26, others 30-35 and look 45 and of course those lucky ones who are 40 or 50 or 60 and bloody hell they look 30 or 35 or 40 respectively with some endowed equipment!!!
“Boys, boys, boys…thank you for your hundreds of messages and attempts to meet me, BUT PLEASE
Contact me ONLY if YOU
1) live alone (no flat/house mates) and happy to invite me to yours, as you wont’be coming to mine for our first date and until you earn my respect. NON NEGOTIABLE…END OF
2) have a safe parking space for my car, ideally driveway or garage or the area is safe. If not, I WILL leave there and then, even if I travelled to the end of the world to meet you. YES
3) genuinely want to meet me. PLEASE don’t waste my time and yours with endless small talk due to lockdown. Think if you would have REALLY wanted to get to know me when the world was “normal”
4) make sure the mattress of your bed is nicely firm. IDEALLY for your back and mine
5) can cook. I always love to supervise a man’s tasteful creation
6) have a clear photo of YOURSELF on your profile. NO photo? Then NO reply
No endless sms/vidéo/WhatsApp
No Snapchat/Kik/phone chat
I will not send you any photos or vidéos; of course…you can send me yours if you like!
No cheaters to their wives, partners, girlfriends
Only geniune single guys please!
Kisses virtually for now
DISCLAIMER: please do not be offended or upset by above. Before you get “hard-boiled” after reading this, first get into my shoes. I do feel you, but this is a DATING site and I am not interested to relieve your lockdown’s sexual distress be it verbal or physical on a “see you, bang you” basis. If this is what you want, you are in the wrong place.
Also, please do not be offended if I don’t get back to you. I have my likes as well!”
How difficult can it be… I am not asking a lot! Or am I…
Happy for you to make a suggestion and help out this lonely little girl… Melissa picks up a handkerchief to wipe the tears falling and blow her nose